Long, long, long.

It's been a long, long, long time.

I finally returned to my hometown, a month ago to be exact. It feels strange to start all over again - this time not as the same time when I arrived at Portugal, but it feels the same, with the difference that now i live in a bigger house with a tv and a PS3 and my friends closer to me.

It is good to be here knowing that i am now a "person of two places"; once you live for some time in a different place of yours, you return to your origins feelling different, 'cause you lived a different culture. However, the fact that makes me feel the most happy is that I left some very good friends there - friends that i'll never, ever, forget.

So, last year was a tremendous gift to me: i finally finished my masters, something which sometimes i thought i would never do; i got to know a lot of places that i never imagined to experience, such as Liverpool - i'll never forget this city...so beautiful and wonderful and joyful...it was a dream.There was also London (perfect), Barcelona (pretty wonderful) and Paris (not so nice IMO, but there were some things nice to see).

Besides that, i went to a Cranberries concert in Lisbon, one of the best nights of my life...

Well, this year i dont have any plans. Actually, i kinda feel lost about it. I am just seeking a way to have my own place e be with my friends, that's good enough to me.

A life with books

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This week at the university seems to be going crazy, because it is the time people should be finally “delivering” their papers for the masters or pdh´s. It is a strange feeling to watch the air of anxiety and, at the same time, the air of relief. I must say, as I couldn’t delivery my own paper yet, that I just felt quite jealous of observing those beautifully printed papers. I´m just getting there, I know I am.

Only today I found out why we need so many copies of it: 5 copies in paper - to be more specifically - and 2 more in cds. Well, some of them will stay at the university and some of them will be going to the National Library in Lisbon. I felt like “wow, really”? It seems to be a quite important matter.

It means, as the way a Portuguese guy put it, that “we are now gonna live forever” in these publications. It is almost like writing a book - I guess you just suffer the same way - or the verb “deliver” wouldn’t work as a metaphor for both terms – writing (a paper, a thesis) or a book.

Now, speaking about books…I actually don’t know if it is because I have been spending so much of my time inside libraries, but I grew such a passion of being around books. By saying that, I just don’t get how people can actually be able to ready an “e-book” on computer. Well, I cant. It is so strange to me not feeling the smell of old or new pages, not being curious to get to the next page. Maybe I am just way behind the evolution of technology, though i must say I love computers to play games and watch music videos on youtube. But, sometimes, i´d rather be in company of a book.

Being around books, physically or spiritually (when I think through and through about some stories), brings another fact: everytime I go to the malls I enjoy spending my time at bookstores, especially if there´s also a stationary store inside it. Oh, how I love all the colorful and neatly organized shelves of notebooks, pens, pencils, markers and moleskines...they make me calmer! :)

I have a very nice history with books, because I developed the love of reading since I was a child. Later, as I was growing older, books were my company at school (at a time of my life in which I was very shy and lonely). I remember that at 16 I started reading Fernando Sabino, still one of my favorites Brazilian writers. One of my great memories of this time was that I used to spend my Saturday afternoons inside of my hammock reading my fave Sabino´s book: O menino no espelho. He was from Minas Gerais and I remember now that I would have loved to be born there just to be like him. He is still such a wonderful storyteller to me:

The master Sabino...

Since I met my husband –  at the time he was only my boyfriend at college – he influenced me to read another kind of book: the comic books. Before that I already loved Peanut´s strips, but I just read them at internet. He showed me the marvelous universe of Spider-Man stories, especially the universe of 60´s decade when spidey just started being a superhero and was written by Stan Lee and drawn by Steve Ditko. Although my knowledge about comics is not big we still spend some time talking about the stories he reads from Marvel and DC.

The web-head! 

In my teen years I already had decided that I would like to be an English teacher someday, although i could never imagine that i would end up dedicating my life to literature. It is still a very pleasant surprise to me, although it is all the same a very tough life. But i like it and i feel that i´m still gonna like even more, for the rest of my simple life.

In a few months...

I´ll repeatly say that during November!

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Hello, again.

It´s been a long time away from here. I wish i could have more time to do stuff i like right now, but lately my life has been focused only on working my thesis. Thankfully, it seems to be that i will finish everything at the end of October.

Until there i am planning a little time off already, because that´s all i need right now. First, i´ve got to say how happy i am to finally go to Liverpool and breathe The Beatles universe for 3 days. It´s gonna be magical, im sure.

Later, as soon as i finish my masters i´ll take a IELTS, which is a certificate of proficiency in English language. And then, after that, oh...i will just rest infinetly :).

I know i´ll need a week to sleep as much as i can, specially because it´s gonna be colder - so it´s perfect time to rest.

But more importantly, i´ll have to take care of my back, which is being in constant pain since February. Now i realize how Dr. House is so cranky about eveything...pain makes me feel restless and down most of my time.

I´ll go back to my crochet activities, which i love deeply; i´ll spend more time with my husband, which is in the same situation right now (doing his thesis) and i´ll start to pack my baggages to go back to my city.

Not too much to say, but i keep biggest hope inside my heart.

Saying good-bye.

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At first, it really seems strange to say goodbye to something that i know it will happen only within 6 months. But it is due to the fact that yesterday we bought, at last, our one way ticket to home and that made me feel a litlle bit «out of place» inside my deepest self.

I have talked a little bit about my first experience here before, but it is funny to say that - different from everybody that i know -, i could never imagine how much i could myself grow some roots in a place that is by far quite different from my actual home.

In this case, it brings to my mind another question: what is really home to someone? I used to think that «home» would always - would ever be - the place i was born. However, it took me around 6 months to change my view about this misconception. Finally, during the summer of 2009, i accepted Porto as my home by heart.

And then...time has passed so fast.

Only a few days ago i realized - during some walks around the town - how much i´m gonna miss all this city has always offered to me - its history, its cafés, its silence, its cold and greyish sky during winter, its deep bright blue sky during the summer, its parks (especially this one - my favourite place on earth), its food, and the most important fact - many great friends that we made (me and my husband) during these almost two years of our lives...

Life is...

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Summer Sky or the Nostalgic Days

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“The heavens opened for the sunset tonight. When I have thought the day folded and sealed, came a burst of heavenly bright petals…I sat behind the window, pricked with rain, and looked until that hard thing in my breast melted and broke into the smallest fountain, murmuring as aforetime, and I drank the sky and the whisper.”

 Katherine Mansfield, Journal, 1914.

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Summer sunset skies come to my mind in the shape of old memories of my life...like the days i spent «standing at the beach, staring at the sea» - The Cure reference here - a certain lazyness and melancoly, well described by Janis Joplin in «Summertime», a feeling of longing to be somewhere else in the world, a nostalgic feeling of an old first lover, an almost untouchable feeling of childhood - the immeasurable feeling of happiness i felt as a kid - and finally, the good and old bike days around my neighborhood.

This is summer to me.

On the road.

In a few days, we will be wandering around in some great places during 25 days. How lucky am I? :)

Porto: (my beloved home for these almost 2 years of my life)

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Lisbon:

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Barcelona:

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Paris:

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Versailles:

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London:

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Liverpool:

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Oh, man...

I just hope this moment in my life flies away....

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Don´t panic!

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My life is lately divided in studying and writing the thesis, that´s why i am feeling so out of ideas for this blog.

This is the time you get yourself almost crazy, wandering about so many books, texts and finding some courage to really start writing. This, my friends, is a student´s life. Who said it was easy, hun? hehe

However, it is good. I never felt that i would know so much (not that much, but you get the point here) about things that i´ve never seen in my life, like, for example, the field i am studying: literature and feminist studies.

Both had made me conscious about my identity and the way i see myself in society. I must say that it was, at first, a really difficult period of my life, quite suffocating to tell you the truth. Because knowledge is painfull, not only the process of learning, but acknowledging yourself as a subject.

I still struggle, but this process makes me feel like moving to even far distant places in my life. :)

In the warming room

«this is one of the views from the library of the university»

«the dollhouse»

«what a nice place to have breakfast during summertime»

«the beautiful tree»

I feel great when i turn off my mind during times like these just to watch this house. It´s just in front the library of my university and it is so pretty that i imagine myself living there everyday.

It´s gonna feel like those raindrops do, when they are falling down, honey all around you.

ffffound!

I wish i was the full moon shinnig off of your camaro´s hood.

Well, i know that i am way behind the schedule of the lists and promises that we usually make at the beggining of the year. I guess i just decided that i want this one to let go without any promises, but wishes-yes.

• I wish the world wont fall apart. I also hope that people see these situations (rainnings, earthquakes) as a «wake up call». It seems nothing, but small actions do a lot of difference. For example, try not throw trash on the streets, try to recicle your own garbage, try not use so much plastic (use an ecobag to go to the supermarket). They wont take any time of your daily life.
• I wish to see myself as a master at the end of this year. :)
• I wish i can quit smoking once and for all.
• I want to believe more that i can accomplish things i want to.
• I wish peace for my family.
• I wish to be with my love for many years.

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«humm, how about stop digging my past?»

«we need to take it easy»

«so say we all-battlestar galactica»

I am truly missing this series already...

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New start:

I decided to start all over again with my collages. I just love doing them, because it is simple and beautiful pics together flow like inspiration to our minds. Instead of doing just postcards, i decided to do a diary-i already bought my first two pink moleskines (yay!).

«you can (re)write the way you want stories through pics you choose»

That´s it. Have a great year you two. :)

Pics are from «weheartit»

Tiny letters.

found!

Dear ciggies,

You´ve been my true false friends for a long time, staying with me during the hardest times. But, you know, i really have to say good-bye for the benefit of my life, although i miss you all already. And it´s been only five days.

Well, i hope i can be stronger this time.

Dear true friends,

I accept the fact that is very hard to keep in touch when we have to say good-bye and move to a place far away, but i truly appreciate when you, even so, keep saying hello. This means a lot to me.

Dear life,

You know i love you, even if sometimes i hate you. Can i just ask you to be softer and nicer to me?

Best wishes and with love,

from me to you.

Are you happy?

ffffound!

Are you happy? sempre foi uma tricky question to me. Como se determina o que é ser feliz? A vida muda tanto, às vezes em tão pouco tempo, que em questão de meses a resposta pode mudar.

Bem, de fato, um ano da minha no Brasil não parecia acontecer tanta coisa com as pessoas que estavam ao meu redor. Porém, depois que a gente se vê tão distante, a gente entende que a vida dessas pessoas realmente mudam.

E o que eu consigo ver é que na verdade todas as escolhas que fazemos nessa vida é uma forma de tentar amenizar um pouquinho o que nos faz infeliz. Porque eu realmente acredito que, por mais que viver seja muito bom, a gente vive numa constante batalha pra poder sobreviver à tantas coisas que nos deixam constamente em crise. E de um momento pro outro a gente se vê ou vemos outras pessoas tomando decisões que a gente nunca esperaria.

Como, por exemplo, dar uma nova vida e, por fim, escolher outra resposta.

A brand new day...

Essa foto, tirada por mim, foi durante uma tarde de picnic à beira do Rio Douro no começo do mês.

Setembro sempre foi um mês especial pra mim. Na verdade, não existe um motivo aparente. Talvez seja assim porque setembro sempre foi o "meio termo temporal" na minha vida.

Quando mais jovem, o trecho da música do Zeca Baleiro, Bandeira «nem passar agosto esperando setembro, se bem me lembro» me chamou a atenção pra necessária paciência durante períodos de turbulência, que naquela altura se dava entre esses dois meses.

Setembro do ano passado talvez tenha sido um dos meses mais decisivos da minha vida. Deixei pra trás amigos, meus bichos (sempre estiveram comigo e com minha mãe), minha família e outras coisas mais pra vir morar na Europa. Especificamente, no Porto (Portugal). De cara, foi tudo muito duro, frio e estranho. Além de vir pra cá, comecei a estudar no mestrado, que na verdade foi outro grande desafio na minha vida.

Bem, esse primeiro ciclo da minha vida está se fechando. Setembro de 2009 se revelou pra mim surpreendentemente diferente de setembro de 2008. Hoje, já consigo ver as coisas de uma maneira um pouco mais clara, alegre e confesso que essa cidade é encantadora, apesar de não ter água de côco!

O melhor futuro este hoje escuro - Zeca Baleiro